Her highness, the glorious onion

Wedding season is almost here and undoubtedly, you will soon be invited to a few. If you are confused about what to buy as gifts, just close your eyes and buy some onions because onions are the new diamond!   

With its sky-high price, onion is going to boost your social status to a different level. However, do not gift some random amount, onions should be gifted in proportion to how close you are to the bride or groom. 

For example, buy at least 10 kilos for your closest friend,  5 kilos for a classmate, 3 kilos for a relative, 2 kilos for a neighbour, 1 kilo for a random invitation and 250 grams for that 'snake' in your circle, only if you are bound to gift him/her something.

The situation has changed so much that onion jewelleries are now replacing gold ones! Did you know that people are now instagramming pictures with onions because it is that cool? Did you also know that, hijackers are now looking for onions and not wallets?

Is any of your relatives going to go abroad soon? Tell them to bring onions instead of chocolates so that you can start collecting 'bideshi onions', just like collecting postal stamps or coins. So, manage onions wherever and however you can.

But be careful about not lending onions to your neighbours, because one onion is equivalent to a hundred taka bill. Would you go around lending money to them? No, right?

Last but not the least, treat onions with the respect that they deserve. After all, they are now more expensive than you are, at least to your parents.

Instead of using chunks, use paper-thin slices of onions into your omelettes or sandwiches and if you crave too much, smell them so that when you start crying, your heart begins to fill with newfound respect for the glorious bulb. 

Also, make sure not to wash your hands after cutting onions because its smell is now a sign of aristocracy. Onion has its own class now, yeah.