When the nest grows quiet

A small home with just one bedroom and one living space, located in one of the narrow lanes of Munshiganj, used to echo with Imran's voice, calling out his mother, Khadija Begum, to help him find his books or fix his shirt before rushing off to class. As her only child, he was her entire world. But when financial struggles hit, Imran made a choice.

After his HSC exams, he left Munshiganj for Dhaka and found work at a construction site. "He wanted to support us," Khadija says, her voice heavy with both pride and sorrow. "He thought he could make things better for us."

But now, for Khadija, each day drags on as she waits for his calls. "He keeps telling me he's fine, but trust me, being his mom, I can hear the struggle he so longs to hide from me," she says, tears in her eyes.

It has been six years since Imran left home to find work and support his family. Over time, the money he sends has doubled, easing their financial burden. Yet, Khadija feels the emptiness more than ever. "The money has doubled, but my happiness has halved."

Khadija's story is one shared by many parents in Bangladesh. Children grow up to leave the nest to chase their dreams, explore the world or support their families. They leave behind homes and heavy hearts that silently long for their return. Khadija waits for the holidays, like Eid, when she can see her son again.

This phenomenon has been discussed and studied in the United States, Italy, France and other countries since the 1960s. However, there is no particular study or research on this in Bangladesh, although the number of young students leaving the country is increasing with time.

According to UNESCO data, in 2023, over 52,799 students left Bangladesh to study abroad, highlighting a significant trend of Bangladeshi students seeking education overseas. In 2008, the number was 16,000.

The empty nest stage can have varied impacts on parents. American scholar Dennis L Peck emphasises the importance of emotional flexibility — the ability to reinvest emotional energy into new activities or relationships. Without this adaptability, 'loss events' associated with this stage can lead to distress.

"At this age, old parents face the loss of work, death of a partner, loss of physical strength, lack of autonomy, and among these the departure of children. These are the so-called cathexis objects. To avoid suffering from their loss, one should be able to shift emotional involvement from one person's activity or object to another," according to Peck.

Interestingly, Barnett and Baruch (1985) argue that the psychological consequences of role accumulation or loss depend on the nature of the roles themselves.

For example, they find that the role of a mother is often more strongly associated with strain than the role of a paid worker. This suggests that the transition to a post-parental stage can sometimes improve parental well-being.

As parents like Moushumi and Rima illustrate, the empty nest can serve as a turning point. By rediscovering passions and embracing new roles, parents can find fulfilment even as they adjust to life without their children at home.

We spoke with a sociology professor at the University of Dhaka, about this phenomenon. "In this era of globalisation, it is a given that people will travel for studies, for work, for a better lifestyle. We cannot stop that," he said.

According to him, instead of focusing on the individual, we should be focusing on the policies of our nation, and why educated youth prefer staying back in the country they went to for studies instead of returning. Many apply for permanent residence because they get paid better and for better education of their children.

"Also I think we need to shift our views regarding this," he said.

"In our country, old age homes or 'Briddhasrams' are considered negative places and when a child admits their parents there, it is considered a cardinal crime in the eyes of society. But if you consider it, staying in a home like this, with good facilities and services, is eventually good for such families," he added.

So instead of viewing this phenomenon as a negative one, Dr Mashiur prefers having proper studies on the reasons and the impact of this and also a focus on policy-making. 

A shift in roles

In Bangladesh, parents often dedicate their lives to their children, with their days revolving around nurturing, guiding and caring for them. Mothers, in particular, spend more time with kids and are most deeply affected. When children leave home, it is not just about the absence of a person but a sudden shift in the roles parents have devoted their lives to.

"The house feels too quiet," shares Sadiya, whose son recently moved to Canada for college. Shahadat Aziz, her husband, adds, "We miss the silly pranks he used to pull on us and our conversations over a cup of coffee in the evening. Even the small things, like visiting his empty room, remind me of how much I once scolded him for keeping it so untidy."

Parents who have dedicated so much to their children often neglect their desires or hobbies. When their children leave, they face the difficult task of rediscovering themselves. The house, once full of life, feels strangely empty.

Society's expectations often compound the loneliness parents feel. "People ask me, 'Why aren't your children here to take care of you?'" says Nasima, a widow whose daughter moved abroad to pursue her postgraduate degree in the US. "It's hard to explain that I encouraged her to follow her dreams, but the questions still sting."

For children, this adds a layer of guilt. They often feel torn between fulfilling their parents' unspoken desires to have them close and chasing their own goals.

"I know my parents miss me, and sometimes I wonder if chasing my dreams is worth their loneliness in the long run," admits Tariq, an engineer working in Singapore.

Torn between dreams and duty

Children leaving the nest doesn't necessarily mean abandoning their parents or severing ties. Technology plays a crucial role in bridging the distance. Video calls during lunch breaks, sharing photos of milestones, and even virtual cooking sessions become ways to maintain intimacy despite miles of separation.

"Every week, my mom and I cook a recipe together on a video call," says Tariq. "It's not the same as being there, but it feels like a piece of home in this foreign land for a fraction of a moment during that call."

Yet, guilt persists for many. Children worry about the sacrifices their parents made for them and the emotional toll of their absence. "There are days when I wish I could just hop on a plane and be there for her, especially when she falls sick," says Naila Ahmed, who lives in Canada while her mother, Moushumi, is in Dhaka.

"But every time she excitedly talks about a new flower blooming in her garden or the kids she's tutoring, it eases some of the weight on my heart," Naila added.

Finding new purpose

For many parents, the emotional journey of an empty nest is not all about loss. Instead, it is an opportunity to grow, learn and find a new rhythm in life. "The empty nest is difficult, no doubt," shares Rima Hossain, whose daughter moved to Dhaka to pursue her Bachelor's degree at Brac University. "But I also see it as a chance for me to focus on myself, to do the things I put aside for years. It's scary but also a beautiful time to find out who I am again."

Similarly, Moushumi Alam, a mother of two daughters, rediscovered her love for gardening after both daughters left home. "I gave up teaching when I was pregnant with my second child," she recalls. Her days as a mom were filled with school runs, coaching sessions and managing the household, leaving little or almost no time for herself.

Now, gardening has become Moushumi's way to reconnect with herself. As she nurtures each plant, she feels a sense of peace and fulfilment. Through gardening, Moushumi has found a new purpose and realised that even in the stillness of an empty nest, there is room to rediscover joy and growth. To stay engaged, she also tutors children at home, giving back to her community.

Staying connected across distances

For children and parents alike, staying connected becomes a lifeline. While physical distance may separate them, technology allows for emotional closeness.

Weekly video calls, shared photos, and even watching the same TV shows from different corners of the globe help preserve family bonds.

"It's not easy to let go, but watching my children thrive makes it worth it," says Nasima. "And in their absence, I have learned that life can be about me, too. It's a strange blessing indeed."