Police shuts down all roads, puts up barricades, instead of doing actual job in bid to solve traffic problem
“Listen. You can literally set fire to rubbish in this city and netizens will go mad on social media. They will immediately go to the Traffic Alert group and pretend like there’s a national-level terrorist threat and everyone is poisoning them with sulphur. It’s a moot point to try to appease them," police official said on citizen's displeasure
This article is a work of satire and is intended to be taken as such.
In a daring move to combat growing congestion in the capital, the traffic police have decided to barricade all turns and shut down all roads.
As a result, the capital has been relatively empty this morning.
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"The plan actually came to me in a dream. I was shown that if I removed all the asphalt, blocked all the turns, then eventually all the traffic will also disappear," Head of Traffic Decongestion Salamun Shah told TBS Bites.
When told about the people's frustration, Shah shrugged it off.
"Listen. You can literally set fire to rubbish in this city and netizens will go mad on social media. They will immediately go to the Traffic Alert group and pretend like there's a national-level terrorist threat and everyone is poisoning them with sulphur. It's a moot point to try to appease them," he said.
Boxy Jason, a commuter, expressed happiness at the sudden initiative.
"I literally don't even go to work when there's like a stronger than usual breeze. With cars and vehicles off the road, I can work from home for the rest of my life," he said.
Others, however, expressed great displeasure.
"They are only doing all this because they can't do their real job, which is enforcing the laws. People break lanes, go the wrong way, speed, but no one is there to stop them," Nazia Sultan, a regular commuter, said.
The police, meanwhile, pointed to a serious manpower crisis.
"We have never had the needed number of personnel in the entire history of our organisation," a source in the traffic headquarters said.
"It's tough recruiting now more than ever since this government is so anti-bribe," he added.
But it's not all doom and gloom.
There are plans afoot to turn all the streets into smart bus rapid transit systems.
Speaking about this initiative, bus expert Ena Hanif said, "Well, the bus rapid transit is a great idea. It looks good on paper and we have never been able to execute it. So, it's really a win, win," she said.
In the meantime, commuters have repeatedly complained about sudden changes in traffic systems with no advance notification.
For this, the Traffic Police has also decided to set up a Facebook page, but they are yet to recruit a single person with the ability to make reels.
