Sleepless nights, battle within: Does a mother always need to know best?

Illustration: Rajib Roy/TBS

At four in the morning, she navigates a myriad of emotions as she endeavours to soothe her child to sleep. 

Having endured a lengthy and taxing day at work, she perseveres. 

Amidst the late-night hours, she confronts a multitude of battles within her mind, strategically calculating the scant hours of sleep available before embarking on the demands of the next workday.

She checks her phone, refreshing her social media feed. 

She's in a constant battle, striving to enhance her toddler's sleep cycle and break the habit of staying up late. 

Despite having delved into articles on toddler brain development and various methodologies like Montessori, she feels overwhelmed, unsure of how to effectively implement these practices.

Her child exhibited delayed language development, being somewhat of a late talker. 

Obsessing over ways to 'fix' her child's delayed speech, she sought advice from relatives. 

But her overthinking added layers after layers of concerns despite all the well-intentioned advice. However, determined, she declares to herself, "I will fix this. I'll do whatever it takes to ensure my child speaks."

One piece of advice was to eliminate screen time entirely. 

Committed to this, she purchased various wooden puzzles, building blocks, and educational toys to engage her child while keeping him away from electronic devices.

In addition to toys, she introduced books with vibrant pictures to instill a reading habit. 

However, realising that merely providing toys wasn't sufficient, she dedicated time to play alongside her toddler, understanding that children emulate parental actions. 

The approach worked—her two-and-a-half-year-old now recognises and recites the English alphabet in capital letters, sings the phonics song, reads numbers up to 20, identifies colours, fruits, and animals, engages in rhymes and songs, even points to various countries on a world map, showcasing a ton of acquired skills.

The journey wouldn't have been possible without the unwavering support of her family—both in-laws and her own. Their presence enabled her to navigate the challenges of parenting, balancing the efforts to nurture her child's development while managing the demands of her job.

Despite winning that battle, she doesn't breathe a sigh of relief, as she knows she has countless challenges ahead, especially grappling with her inner demons on a daily basis.

Before that chain of thought ends, her phone's screen screams out updates on the Israel-Palestine turmoil, where innocent children succumb to the madness. 

Her anxiety intensifies at every refresh.

Grateful to the Almighty for her current life, she also grapples with a sense of guilt and selfishness for harbouring such gratitude.

Now a mother herself, it's as though she can hear the anguished cries of that child's mother right before her.

These overwhelming thoughts persist in the recesses of her mind, battles she must confront. 

Despite having numerous tasks to attend to, she procrastinates, intending to address them once her child is asleep. 

However, in a twist of fate, she finds herself continually scrolling through her phone. 

Exhaustion sets in, and by the time her child finally dozes off, she lacks the energy to tackle the unfinished chores, delve into the neglected book, or experiment with the new skincare routine discovered on Facebook.

Her child is now her entire universe, and even seemingly innocuous jokes transform into overwhelming thoughts. Her tendency to overthink extends to scrutinising and judging those who make such jests in a seemingly careless manner.

The occasional, yet heartbreaking critique of her parenting skills, especially from a cherished loved one, shatters her, leaving emotional fragments to contend with. 

It makes her wonder what else she can do for validation that she is doing a somewhat good job as a mother when she is striving to do the best she can. 

Despite facing a world with its share of insensitivity, she perseveres as the mother her child needs. 

Doubting herself at every turn, she seeks advice, voices concerns, and juggles her work, parenting, and family responsibilities. 

The strength lies in her clear vision of the life she wants for her child; this is what keeps her going. 

Lost in thoughts, she receives a tender kiss on the forehead from her toddler, leaving her in awe. Wondering if he senses her emotional turmoil, she finds renewed strength. With a resilient spirit, she declares, "This, right here, is all the validation I need."