Double the love: When you are lucky to have two mothers

Jahanara Khanam – interestingly, this is the name shared by both my mother and my mother-in-law. 

When a census official came to my house to collect information, he initially thought I had made a mistake with the names. It was amusing to explain to him that both of my mothers indeed share the same name.

Having two loving mothers in one's life can be a remarkable blessing. While society often jokes about the stereotypical mother-in-law relationships, many people are fortunate enough to have a deeply loving and supportive bond with both their biological mother and their mother-in-law. And I am one of the luckiest people. 

While my biological mother knows me since birth and understands me in a way no one else can, my mother-in-law offers a fresh perspective and invaluable advice whenever I need it. 

People say a mother's love is unconditional, and it is undeniably true. 

The love from our biological mothers is inherent and it is simply a part of us beyond explanation. However, when you experience a similar love from your mother-in-law, it evokes an extraordinary and heavenly feeling.

For those who are fortunate enough to experience this, it is a testament to the power of love, acceptance, and understanding. 

Whether it is your biological mother or your mother-in-law, both women play significant roles in shaping who you are and providing emotional support.

Whether you are facing joyous moments like marriage and childbirth or navigating through life's challenges, having two mothers means having a strong support system to lean on. They provide encouragement, guidance, and a shoulder to lean on during both the good times and the bad.

Recently, I have been feeling a stronger bond with my mother, a connection I had not fully experienced in previous years. I see reflections of myself in her, a deep understanding that grows with time. 

While my mother resides in Gazipur with my brothers and daughters-in-law, her visits to me in Dhaka are infrequent, and even when she does come, her stays are brief, rarely exceeding two days. 

Following a fire incident at her home, she stayed with me for about 15 days. Those two weeks were truly extraordinary, offering precious moments I wish I could extend indefinitely. During her stay, I found myself gazing at her for minutes on end, observing the woman who raised me, recalling the comforting embrace of my childhood. Yet, amidst this appreciation, I cannot shake the feeling of guilt for not being able to reciprocate the boundless love and care she has always shown me.

As my mother approaches 80 years old, her physical support during times of crisis may be limited, but she remains the powerhouse of my inspiration. In her absence, my mother-in-law steps in to fill the void and becomes my pillar of support through all my trials. She is truly an exceptional woman whose love transcends the boundaries of daughter-in-law status. An example of her boundless affection occurred during a recent visit to her home. 

Upon awakening, I discovered she had journeyed to a distant village market solely to buy my favourite "chhoto mach" (small fish). What truly touched my heart that day was when, after our early morning prayers, while the rest of us returned to bed, she ventured out to the market, sacrificing her sleep, comfort, and braving the early hour alone. This is just one simple example among the thousands of such instances of her love.

But every relationship requires time, care, understanding, and effort to blossom into something beautiful.

Although differences and disagreements may arise, it is crucial to navigate them with acceptance and compromise. Embracing each other's unique perspectives fosters a deeper understanding and appreciation for one another.

Central to nurturing a healthy relationship with your mother-in-law is recognising and understanding each other's perspectives. Both parties bring unique life experiences, values, and expectations to the table. Taking the time to empathise and communicate openly can bridge potential gaps and foster a deeper connection.

Embracing the blessings of having two mothers in life is not just about honouring family bonds; it is a joyous recognition of the manifold expressions of maternal love. It is a reminder that, in the end, love knows no bounds, and the presence of mothers is a beautiful blessing indeed.