'I cannot keep a job because I fear the building will collapse'

"My son will break his fast with niramish," said the 32-year-old Saleha. 

Her husband – who works at car workshops in Demra and Gulistan – is the sole breadwinner of the family. Saleha's mother and her parents-in-law depend on her husband's meagre Tk300 daily income. 

The six family members rent a two-room tin shed house in Savar at Tk5,000 a month. Some relatives help, but the family struggles to make ends meet. 

"We eat a meal, then skip one," added Saleha, a Rana Plaza collapse survivor. 

But that's not all. Saleha continues to live through her days in fear. "When I recall how I was rescued, I lose my sleep," she said, "if I am travelling by a vehicle, I fixate on when will the journey stop and I will get off." 

She explained how her head spins, and how getting down from the bed is a struggle. Symptoms of vertigo continue to plague her waking hours. 

"And I can't keep standing or sitting," she said. "My memory is gone. I am looking at you now, but I won't be able to recognise you if I see you again after some time."
 
"I am afraid of tall buildings," said Mossambat Bulbuli, another survivor. "I cannot keep a job because I fear that the building will collapse." She said that she secured garment factory jobs from time to time in the last decade, but always left just after a few days. 

Bulbuli also carries an injured spine. And invading headaches that come if she speaks for too long. 

A recent study based on a survey of 200 Rana Plaza survivors, conducted by Action Aid Bangladesh, showed that 29% of respondents remain traumatised. They suffer primarily from tension about their health and safety, or they live in fear. 

Both Saleha and Bulbuli, seemingly physically fit, carry wounds and trauma like hundreds of other survivors. And they both also remain unemployed. 

The same study also found that despite an increase in employment among the survivors from earlier years, 54% remain unemployed. 

Days spent in prayers

Bulbuli currently lives with her sister and her mother in Savar. Her younger sister – who works at a garment factory called Jika, is the sole earner for the household. "That's very close to Rana Plaza [site]" said Bulbuli. 
 
So how do you spend your days? "I keep myself busy in prayers," replied Bulbuli. 

Ten years ago, she was already working at Ether Tex, Rana Plaza, for three years, as a sewing machine operator. She depended on that income to pave a path forward in life.  

Bulbuli moved to Dhaka from her village town in Bogura at an early age. After her father passed away from kidney failure in 2002, her aunt (who was living in Mirpur at the time) thought it would be a good idea to take her in. 

"At least there would be one less person to feed at home then, my aunt thought," said Bulbuli. So the pre-teen Bulbuli moved to the capital. 

After a few years, Bulbuli went to Savar to work in the RMG industry. "It was a job at ULine. And later I went to Rana Plaza."

Her primary injury was sustained from a machine needle piercing through one of her hands and pinning her down. "I woke up [after the collapse] in the pitch dark under the rubble with three other female survivors. And I was in a crouched position, like when you perform shehzda during namaz," she said, recalling one of the largest industrial accidents in the world.

Bulbuli said there were deceased bodies around too. "I was on top of one. I could not see the person's face," she said. 

After several hours, she was rescued along with the three other women. Her hand was operated on and it took six months to heal. Some parts of the hand remain paralysed, and if you were to look closely, after ten years, you can make out the scar lines. 

After the collapse, Bulbuli's husband stayed with her for five years. "And then he left. Last I heard he [who was also a garments worker at another factory in Savar] is in Dhaka and remarried," said Bulbuli, who believes her husband married her because she had an income. 

Why did he stay with you for five years? "I can't tell you why," Bulbuli replied. Bulbuli also had a miscarriage, she shared. 

What lies ahead? She couldn't answer this either. 

Action Aid Bangladesh carried out an annual study on Rana Plaza survivors every year over the last decade. And while this year's study bears positive findings such as an increased percentage of survivors returning to work or finding work again – there still remain many unemployed survivors. Some are handicapped, and many remain traumatised. 

Saleha and Bulbuli both said they received approximately Tk1 lakh thus far as compensation.