Rishta meeting? A walk in the park, literally

The sun had tilted slightly toward the west by then, but it was hard to say the intensity of the sunlight had lessened. In fact, it was a bright, golden afternoon. To refresh myself, I stepped outside.

Since it wasn't far from home, I decided to head to DC Hill. The not-too-high hill in the Nandan Kanan area, where the Deputy Commissioner's bungalow is located, is known as DC Hill Park. In about ten minutes by rickshaw, I reached my destination.

Inside the park, I sat on a brick staircase carved into one side of the hill. The open sky and the light cool breeze were delightful. The feeling of spending a lazy afternoon in such an atmosphere is hard to describe. Nearby, there was a small stall selling fuchka and chotpoti. I was having chotpoti, when I noticed a group of people.

Five or six neatly dressed individuals entered the park—three women, two men, and a little child. After looking around for a while, they chose a shaded corner to sit. For about ten minutes, they rested and chatted among themselves.

One of them was a young woman, about 20-25 years old, wearing a flashy three-piece outfit, with makeup and accessories that made her stand out. She appeared more worried than the others, frequently wiping the sweat from her forehead. The others seemed to be saying something to her, looking at her intently. She listened attentively, nodding like a dutiful girl.

About fifteen to twenty minutes passed in this manner. Meanwhile, they occasionally glanced around, as if searching for someone. Soon, my eyes caught another group of six or seven people, all equally well-dressed and stylish. It didn't take long to realise what was going on.

The first group was the bride's family, and the newly arrived group was the groom's family. They greeted each other, with the bride and groom bowing to touch the elders' feet in a traditional sign of respect. After the greetings, the discussion continued for quite some time.

Finally, everyone sat in a circle. Smiles appeared on all their faces. They engaged in light-hearted banter, enjoying hot chotpoti and fuchka as they chatted.

By their demeanour, it was clear that the groom's family had approved of the bride. The next step would be to set the date. To witness a potential marriage arrangement unfold in such a way was no small joy! The atmosphere was filled with excitement from both sides.

I felt the urge to join their conversation. I ended up speaking with Khorshed Alam, the groom's uncle. He was accompanied by the groom's parents and an elder brother. Khorshed ran a small business and lived near Chandgaon. He had been searching for a bride for his nephew, Md Saimon, for months. Since they hadn't found the right match, the process hadn't moved forward.

This was the fourth bride he had seen. He mentioned that this was the first time they had come outside to see a bride.

Low-cost bride viewing

When asked why they took this approach, Khorshed said, "Nowadays, most bride-groom meetings happen in restaurants. We've done it a few times too, but it cannot be done in a cheap restaurant. During these meetings, there are usually at least 15-20 people present. Think about it—if you spend at least Tk1,500 per person on food, how much does that add up to? Is it really necessary to spend so much just to see a bride?"

Although the suggestion to meet in the park came from the bride's side, Khorshed liked the idea and agreed immediately. His nephew Saimon works in Kuwait and has returned to Bangladesh with the sole purpose of getting married before heading back abroad.

"Marriage should be about two families coming together. That's the main idea of it. But we have allowed these unnecessary traditions to be larger than the marriage itself. Everyone should choose ways to cut down wedding costs without any cultural pressure."

Khorshed Alam, a groom's uncle

Khorshed emphasised the cost factor, saying, "If just the meeting to see the bride costs Tk40,000–50,000, you can imagine the expenses for the other events! Cutting down a little in these areas doesn't hurt. It's beneficial for both sides."

I wanted to hear the perspective of the bride's family as well since they are the ones who usually bear most of the costs. I spoke to Rokhsana Begum, the bride's mother. This gracious woman had a different outlook.

She explained, "Think about it, who suffers the most when the groom's family comes to see the bride? It's the women of the house, isn't it? By arranging the meeting outside like this, it's a huge relief for us. We don't have to spend the whole day cooking, or worrying about whether we have enough of this dish or that."

Most of the people from both families kept bringing up the topic of cost-cutting repeatedly. Many families, including the bride's, were attracted to the idea of meeting at DC Hill or CRB areas because it was practically free. There wasn't even the hassle of buying a ticket to enter these parks. Perhaps that's why this trend of arranging bride-viewing meetings in parks was becoming more popular.

Rokhsana Begum said, "In the past, it was common for the groom's family to visit six or seven times to see the bride. Every time, we had to spend separately for food and other preparations. It's a lot of pressure."

It has become a regular scene here

Here's the interesting part—who would've thought that potential brides and grooms would meet over Tk30 chotpoti and Tk40 fuchka in a public park?

For some, it's like killing two birds with one stone—if they don't like the bride, they've at least enjoyed an outing.

It's now common to see families of potential brides and grooms at DC Hill in Chattogram, accompanied by elders from both sides. Once the elders finish talking, they give the bride and groom some private time to chat as well.

This scene has become quite routine, according to Munir, a chotpoti seller in the park. "If you come here in the late afternoon, you'll see someone or the other doing this. At least 4–5 meetings like this take place every week."

A deviation from the traditional bride viewing?

Traditionally, the groom's family visits the bride's house, or the bride's family goes to the groom's house. That's how it's been done for ages.

This system is prevalent in almost every district. But the idea of meeting at parks, strolling around while evaluating the bride or groom, and finalising the marriage date—who would have imagined such a thing? The answer is probably that very few had considered it before.

Once marriages would take place without these meetings of the bride and groom. It was all about the family's decision. Then, the idea became popular that no matter how renowned the bride is for her beauty, it is always wise to see her before marriage. Elders believe it is prudent to have a look at the bride in person, and the same goes for the groom.

This tradition of viewing potential brides and grooms has been long established. Whether in villages or cities, the practice remains consistent. And when it comes to Chattogram, there seems to be no end to the rituals surrounding weddings.

The costs of weddings From the wealthy to the poor, there's one common belief here: a wedding must be grand, following all traditions. So that everyone in society can boast about how much was spent on the wedding!

Among the people of Chattogram, wedding expenses are a point of pride! The more lavish the wedding, the more it gets talked about in the community. But this extravagant way of doing things often leads many to financial ruin.

The bank-breaking expenses on weddings

There are countless examples of families who have sold everything to marry off their daughters, leaving them destitute. Yet, some continue to spend beyond their means, fearing societal judgement.

In the matter of wedding expenses, Chittagonians often find themselves in deep water, much like an ant struggling to stay afloat. Many struggle to recover from the financial strain.

Thankfully, people are slowly beginning to escape this difficult situation. As the times change and people become more modern, their thinking has evolved too. Some are now breaking away from these costly traditions, searching for more affordable alternatives.

People have come up with new strategies to reduce costs. While some still strictly adhere to old customs, many are finding ways to escape the financial burden. 

They are discovering new ways to break free from the chains of these outdated rituals. The joy of being able to avoid these rigid traditions can be seen in conversations with people like Rokhsana Begum and Khorshed Alam.

"Marriage should be about two families coming together. That's the main idea of it. But we have allowed these unnecessary traditions to be larger than the marriage itself. Everyone should choose ways to cut down wedding costs without any cultural pressure," Khorshed said.

This article was translated by Miraz Hossain.