Things to consider before dating your colleague
The perks in dating a coworker are manifold but there are risks as well; both personal and professional
From Jim and Pam in 'The Office' to Jake and Amy in 'Brooklyn 99', office romance has been the staple of popular sitcoms set at the workplace.
As we watched these couples romancing on screen, somewhere in our hearts, we too hoped to have such fulfilling relationships.
Sometimes for some of us, these hopes do come true and we get to fall in love with someone we work with.
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One such individual is Rafique Ahmed, who is a deputy director at Bangladesh Bank and works with his wife.
"Although I met my wife before she joined the bank, we work together now and it helps a great deal to confide in someone who understands the issues I am going through," said Rafique.
But he also said that office-romance was quite the double-edged sword. Intuitively, the perks in dating a coworker are manyfold but there are risks as well; both personal and professional.
So what are the perks in office-romance? What are the downsides? And how do you deal with these issues? Let us explore these questions in this article.
Perks of dating a colleague
Well, there are many.
When in love, especially during the 'honeymoon' phase, we want to see our loved ones every single moment of every single day.
Even when you have reached a stable stage in your relationship, your partner can be a calming presence in a conventional, monotonic workplace.
Having a bad day? You can grab a bite together for lunch and take your mind off of the daily routine. Rafique agreed.
"Every time I face difficulties at the office, I discuss things with my wife and that makes everything a little easier to deal with," he said.
More importantly, dating a coworker means that you potentially have similar interests, values and career ambitions.
Many nascent relationships are nipped in the bud because of differences in priorities. In that case, falling in love with your coworker might just be what the doctor ordered.
"Marriage is a union of culture. And in the case of long-term relationships, values are everything," adding, "If you do not have matching values it is difficult to sustain a relationship. Working with your partner helps a great deal in this regard," said Sharier Khan, Executive Editor at The Business Standard.
Sharier met his wife while working as a journalist for The Daily Star. They soon became friends and eventually fell in love and have stayed together for decades.
Moreover, working at the same organisation can take away the boredom from daily commute as couples can often travel together.
Since office couples generally have similar working hours, they can also plan more frequent dates and find it more convenient to get together.
But it is not always sunshine and red roses. Once you begin dating your colleague, you may all of a sudden find your career path to be booby-trapped at every stage where any misstep can cost you your career or the stability in your relationship.
All the gossips, jealousy and controversy
For starters, dating your coworker may encourage some colleagues to gossip about your relationship and some can even go as far as to launch complaints with the HR. Sharier had a similar experience when he first started dating his wife.
"When the seniors at the office found out about our relationship, they did not take it lightly. Some of them even complained to the editor."
When his boss called him, Sharier was straightforward about his relationship and recommended everyone to do the same.
"There is nothing wrong in being in love with a colleague and there is no reason to make a huge fuss about it," he added.
How do you break the news?
The first question many couples ask is whether they should tell anyone at the office, how they should do it and what is the standard protocol around the office.
In an ideal world, you should not have to tell anyone about who you are dating or not. In many cases, you can practice this principle in real life and go on about your usual activities.
"The simple advice would be to be yourself and hope for the best," said Kamrun Naher Chandni, a journalist who is married to her colleague, Masum Billah.
But there are times when being yourself may not be enough since there are real-life ramifications of office romance such as sexual harassment, conflict of interest etc, which concern the work environment.
"As far as HR is concerned, they should not have any problems with office romance as long as you maintain a professional environment," said Sharier Khan when asked about the role of HR.
The HR departments in many organisations require that employees declare any romantic relationship with their coworkers. But how and when do you do that?
The first thing to do is to take things slowly and figure out where you are in a relationship and how serious it is. There is no point in ruffling any feathers unless you think you are there yet.
It is always better to discuss with your partner any decision regarding telling your colleagues or HR.
Also, you probably want to break the news with someone close to you first before breaking it to others or the HR.
Another thing to keep in mind is to discuss a failsafe plan in case of any breakups so that it does not affect your career ambitions or professional life.
Also and this goes without saying, you should keep any PDA (public display of affection) at a minimum. After all, this is your office!
Do not work on the same team
While it may seem like a dream to work with your partner on the same team, the reality can be quite different.
For starters, it may be difficult for you to remain objective in task delegation and evaluation, especially when one of you holds the position of a supervisor.
There may be conflicts of interest that can affect the professional setting at the workplace. For instance, your colleagues may launch complaints of nepotism even though you have remained fair and objective.
Your partner may feel under-appreciated or patronised and you may simply not know how to separate your emotions from logic.
"If I am the boss, I might say something that my wife may not like and take it to heart. Such confrontations can eventually hurt the relationship as well," said Sharier.
He added that seeing too much of each other can also be bad for your relationship as you may feel that the relationship is draining every bit of your time and energy.
On top of that, it may be increasingly difficult for you to get leave at the same time, barring any possibility of going on long vacations together.
"You need a leave, you want to go somewhere, naturally you will take your spouse. But in the same office? Two employees taking leave on the same dates is a big deal," said Masum Billah.
What about shop-talk at home?
Finally, every couple tries to avoid mixing work and personal life as your better half may fail to reciprocate; you may feel misunderstood or their response may not live up to your expectations, leaving you rather disappointed.
In the long run, these feelings may pile up making you feel like your partner simply does not understand you.
On the other hand, some couples may find it interesting to discuss each other's work at home and even gossip about others at work. After all, it is you against the world, right?
Regardless, any attempt to separate work and personal life becomes increasingly difficult when couples work at the same organisation, let alone on the same team.
Sharier believes that it is important to maintain personal space in a relationship, especially when couples work together.
"Inevitably, couples who work together will mix their professional and personal lives. The key to a successful marriage is to make sure each gets time to be themselves and do what they love," he said.
