Watch your tone when you text me!

This year, for the first time in years, I'd spent a whole week without a cell phone when it was at the shop for repair work. So, I let everyone know, I might be out of reach the majority of the time.

On one hand, I felt light and relieved that I didn't have to check my messages often. I just would drop in on my Facebook Messenger and Whatsapp every now and then.

On the other hand, an incident prompted me to take a long hard look at how I speak versus text.

Around that time, I was texting with someone at work and an ultra-formal text I wrote – basically saying, I'd like to reconvene at a later time –  was misconstrued as one exhibiting a negative attitude, and I had to CLARIFY: No that's not even how I meant it.

Then, I spoke to my friend Ahnaf, who teaches O/A-level students, and he said he'd faced similar situations when sending out instructions to students which are often interpreted as cold, curt and mostly "rude", where he is known to be a jolly, happy-go-lucky guy.

"But you [Ahnaf] have a whole other face on texts," one of his students told him once.

"It's just that I like to keep my texts short and sweet. Like, 'Do this, do that; turn in the assignment at 8:00pm sharp. Don't be late.' I don't necessarily use texting as a medium for long, elaborate conversations and that, to my peers and my students, paints me as a bit of a jerk at times," Ahnaf said.

I also realised, during my no-phone days, these platforms give us unsolicited access to people around the clock. We expect to reach anyone at any point of day over text. And if the replies come in late, it's the end of the world; it can totally be perceived as I'm ignoring the other person.

Leaving someone on seen is a whole different hornet's nest.

The lack of visual cues makes the conversations even more difficult to decipher.

Tone or sarcasm can't be identified so your text just sounds mean and without feeling. But if you elaborate, you seem less 'douchey' as you're explaining a bit further and you sound pretty normal, Ahnaf added to the argument of how can we possibly sound less 'arsey'.

A (.) period at the end of a text is deadly

If you dare use a period at the end of that sentence, and there's no smiley face or kiss emoji at the end of it, you come off pretty rude, like that's it, that's a statement right there.

You, as a recipient, may feel it's the end of the world right there because you can't present an argument or contest that.

Using a punctuation mark wields a lot of power. If inserted wrong, a simple innocuous text can be seen as passive-aggressive.

According to a report from the National Public Radio (NPR), Gretchen McCulloch, a linguist and author of the book Because Internet: Understanding the New Rules of Language, said when it comes to text messaging, the period has lost its original purpose because rather needing a symbol to indicate the end of a sentence, you can simply hit send on your message. That doesn't mean the period has lost all purpose in text messaging. Now it can be used to indicate seriousness or a sense of finality.

But caution is needed, said McCulloch, noting that problems can start to arise when you combine a period with a positive sentiment, such as "Sure" or "Sounds good."

"Now you've got positive words and serious punctuation and the clash between them is what creates that sense of passive-aggression," said McCulloch.

Binghamton University psychology professor Celia Klin says a period can inadvertently set a tone, because while text messaging may function like speech, it lacks many of the expressive features of face-to-face verbal communication, like "facial expressions, tone of voice, our ability to elongate words, to say some things louder, to pause."

Our language has evolved, and "what we have done with our incredible linguistic genius is found ways to insert that kind of emotional, interpersonal information into texting using what we have," said Klin. "And what we have is things like periods, emoticons, and other kinds of punctuation. So people have repurposed the period to mean something else."

A 2015 study conducted by Klin confirmed as much. Researchers asked undergraduates to evaluate a text exchange that included an innocent question and the answer "Yup." Some saw "Yup" with a period and some saw the word without.

"And we found consistently through many experiments that 'Yup' with a period resulted in responses that were more negative. So people thought 'Yup' with a period was less friendly, less sincere, and so on."

If it's all bad, why do we resort to texting, right?

Well, it is more accessible. But the 'mute notifications' feature is a God-send. So, do with it what you will.

I usually rely on texting for quickness. At times, just remind yourself not to look much into people's responses. So, an ALL CAPS message does not mean the sender is angry, and no, it doesn't require you to reply with the same lettering.

If someone misspells or says Your instead of You're, don't be a Sheldon and waste time pointing out every little error.

A good text makes sense to its recipient, but that shouldn't require consulting an SAT grammar workbook. Skipping the capitalisation or leaving off a question mark doesn't denote a lack of respect.

If sending out paragraphs is a bit of a drag, take that risk. Explain your thoughts and feelings if a phone conversation is not an option. But be open to not receiving just as big of an essay for a reply.

Plenty of us have poured our hearts out over text to get "ok" in response. Repeatedly sending short responses like thumbs up, "lol" or "k" might be fine if your recipient does the same, but its "immature" if you're failing to hold up your end of the conversation.

The Textiquette

Texting isn't Morse code — the goal is not to use as few words as possible, according to an article on texting etiquette from The Washington Post.

Emily Post, author of "Emily Post's Etiquette" said she adjusted her etiquette advice to reflect a changing society, and that approach may be the only hope we have to make sense of texting, the asynchronous phone messages that now prop up much of our social and professional lives. Agreed-upon rules for how to text appropriately have imploded amid a global pandemic, the proliferation of social media apps and the breakdown of work-life boundaries.

Search Twitter for "texting etiquette" and you'll find a range of contradictory complaints — is it rude to let a text sit or rude to expect a response? Is the thumbs-up emoji passive-aggressive?

Generational differences make things even harder, as teens progress from literal to ironic emoji use while our aunts continue to reply "OK."

The historical ban against "hey can we talk" still holds. Cryptic messages like "call me please" or "what are you doing on Tuesday" make your recipient nervous because they don't know what you're going to ask. Give them a clue so they can choose the best response, reads the article.

From personal experience, replying can feel like a chore but be mindful and respectful of communication etiquette because one mean reply could drive off the other person, and they may never be comfortable reaching out; unless that's the goal, then kudos.

Etiquette-wise, keep in mind, texting is devoid of all paralinguistic features. And no, emojis do not substitute for the relief your brain receptors may feel when you first-hand observe someone's facial expressions, body language, tone, pitch, vibration among other things.

"When we chat digitally, we also lose the cues of a shared physical environment. Even in a video call, we don't have full access to interpersonal cues such as a person's clothing, posture, seating position or non-verbal cues, gestures that normally help us make a conversation coherent, smoothly flowing and help us decipher interpersonal meanings," reads BBC's article on "Why tiny words like 'yup' can send you into a tailspin".

Also, context matters.

So, talking to someone in a position of authority, like your boss or teacher, is different in terms of register - formality or informality – than from speaking to a friend, or someone you know and are comfortable with. You want to tell someone to buzz off, but be careful choosing who you tackle with that level of ultra-colloquial tone. Texting for business purposes has skyrocketed, but before you fire off a message to your boss, keep in mind boundaries as to which hours of the day you can send and answer texts.