My Special One

spe·cial /ˈspeSHəl/ better, greater, or otherwise different from what is usual.

This definition, I believe, describes any child in the world because each of them are wonderfully unique. Their beautiful souls and minds are always better, greater or different from those of adults.

My son Adel fits the definition perfectly as well.

He is, however considered to be "special" based on another criteria.

He has Autism.

I have been meaning to write about Adel for quite some time now. But each time, I failed to find the perfect words to capture who Adel really is.

But now, I can wait no longer and I am eager to introduce him to those who haven't yet had the chance to meet him.

Adel was born preterm, along with his twin sister Zuhaira, weighing barely 1.45 kilogrammes. Since that day, my son has taken on many small fights -- getting to a healthy weight, constant cold and allergy related problems, and a hernia surgery with full anesthesia when he was only 3 months old, just to name a few.

While he overcame all those, there is a bigger fight he continues every day and may do so all his life – trying to make sense of the world around him.

Adel struggles to learn how to focus, speak, control his sensory discomforts, or even just play -- things that come very naturally to most kids.

My Adel will turn five years old this month. Due to his condition, he still has very limited speech, is yet to master using the toilet on his own, has temper/behavioural issues and his maturity or cognition is not yet sufficient to begin a typical school curriculum.

Photo: Nazrana Yusuf

Something tells me that most are aware of a special child's journey -- the challenges and the deficiencies. When I mentioned Adel has autism, a reader can be forgiven for already imagining some of his characteristics.

And while I want to dedicate my life to making people aware of the challenges that children like Adel face, this time, I want to talk about the side of Adel that people are unaware of, unless you have had the opportunity to know a child as special as him.

Adel has been growing up with a distinct personality of his own. A complete outdoorsy person, he would be happy spending every minute of the day running around in an open field, bathing in the sea or lounging in a swimming pool.

You could instantly become his favourite person if you just tell him you are taking him out. Equally playful when he is indoors, he is up for tickle wars or just any kind of goofing around no matter what hour of the day (or night) it is.

He loves being flipped over, somersault style until his dad's arms start to hurt. I don't even dare attempt it. When it comes to music, he has demonstrated a very unique yet diverse taste as he grew up with clear favourites ranging from Hemanta's "Dhitang Dhitang Dole" to Nazrul's "Momer o putul" to Tagore's "Jodi tor daak shune keu" to hill track folk "Moyna cholat cholat" to, ahem, Bollywood songs like "Gerua" and "Zaalima" featuring Mr SRK with open arms and dramatic expressions in scenic locations! Well that's Adel for you…my sporty, playful, quirky boy.

Adel is my only son so it's no surprise that he is the love of my life and I am his. He is his father's kolija and his sister's precious bhaiyu. But what amazes me is Adel's ability to recognise love anywhere, and his ability to ardently reciprocate. Whether it's in the family, at his day care or at the therapy centre, he has always been able to seek out people who really love him and eventually form beautiful bonds with them.

I am not exaggerating when I say I witnessed the rare phenomena of mutual "love at first sight" when his Chachi became a part of the family.

Despite having limited communication and social capabilities, he has a way of making such people clearly see his love for them. He is immensely blessed to have already become a favourite student, nephew, and grandson to some wonderful people.

And yes, I must mention he is quite the ladies' man too…in case you haven't figured that out yet!

But I am not, for one moment, going to deny that it's not easy being him. That it doesn't hurt us or make us feel helpless and lost most of the time.

I would be a big hypocrite if I say that, given the choice, I would not want my son to be a regular neurotypical child. No mother wants life to be this hard for their little one. He may never achieve all the things that parents generally dream of for their son. Or the things that are a basic requisite to be "highly esteemed" in society. The dread that keeps me up at night is that he may find it difficult to be fully independent even later in life.

But that does not change the fact that my son is simply awesome. That does not change the truth that he is one of the biggest blessings of our lives. Adel's presence in our lives teaches us to be genuinely kind and painstakingly patient every day. We learn to be thrilled with even the smallest of achievements. We are compelled to have hope every time we are tempted to give up.

It's because of him that I'm learning what it truly means to love unconditionally. It's because of him his only-2-minutes-older twin is already conducting herself like a responsible and compromising elder sister.

It's only because of him we have faith that our family has been chosen for a higher purpose, a bigger test and a better reward. That's the kind of blessing our son is.

No wonder everyone says he is "special".