Confronting hate on social media: Is unfriending the answer?

It was back in 2016, shortly after the heartbreaking murder of LGBTQ activist Xulhaz Mannan. In the aftermath, the comment sections of the nation's leading dailies' Facebook overflowed with hate. No moderation or decency filtered the deluge of cruel remarks. 

Even Xulhaz's dignified 70-year-old mother, a widely respected teacher, was viciously attacked. As a friend of the family, I knew Xulhaz agonised over his mother's dementia diagnosis. Yet, in some small mercy, it shielded her from the trauma and grief of losing her son. Oblivious to her illness, she still waits for his return from abroad.

When the government recognised hijras in 2014, a glimmer of hope flickered within me, believing it might signal a positive change. Then, 2016 arrived, and my hope was dashed by the wave of bigotry that followed. In those dark days, I felt a deep despair as it seemed like intolerance was prevailing. Many of my friends felt compelled to conceal their true selves for their own safety.

Despite the ongoing advocacy for queer rights, hate and vitriol continued to be directed towards queer communities. The comment sections of news articles discussing Tashnuva Anan's historic appearance as the first transgender newscaster of the country serve as a stark reminder of this reality. However, even amidst these challenges, it's evident that society's understanding of gender and sexual diversity is still in its infancy.

My heart aches when I think of Xulhaz's mother, waiting in vain for her son's return. And I can't help but feel for all those who are forced to hide their identities in a climate of fear and hostility. It's clear that we still have a long way to go in fostering acceptance and understanding for all individuals, regardless of their gender or sexual orientation.

In an era dominated by social media, our virtual connections often mirror the diversity of opinions prevalent in society. Recently, a national textbook's stance on accepting the transgender community has ignited fiery debates across Facebook, leaving users grappling with a crucial question: how many friends should one unfriend to feel safe on social media?

My heart sank when friends forwarded hateful comments made by people on my own social media contacts. Even some I'd shared laughs and good times with were spewing bile against the entire Shorif thekey Shorifa ruckus and mocking queer identities.

Though pained to see their true colours, as one who believes in free speech, I hesitated to unfriend them. These were my windows into a harsh world still unwilling to accept us. My sympathetic friends understood but worried it could unconsciously hurt me.

They were right. At first, I brushed off the remarks but soon found my thoughts drifting anxiously to living in an unaccepting country. Still, I'm not ready to shut out these voices, however much they clash with my spirit of openness. My friends hold me accountable, concerned for my well-being. Their care reminds me I don't have to carry this burden alone. And if I falter, they will renew my hope and courage.

Unfriending, once a rare action, has become a survival strategy for many, amidst the relentless barrage of negativity and trolling, in this case, a strategy to avoid transphobic and homophobic comments. The urge to curate a digital circle that aligns with one's values is understandable. Yet, it raises the question of whether severing ties is a panacea or merely a temporary shield against hate.

Unfriending those whose views clash with my own values may offer immediate relief but risks creating insulated echo chambers devoid of diversity. Research examines how social media algorithms contribute to these "filter bubbles," exposing us only to perspectives confirming our beliefs (Pariser, 2011; Bakshy et al., 2015). This phenomenon exacerbates the spread of misinformation by limiting exposure to differing viewpoints.

Ironically, social media was supposed to expand our horizons, promoting thoughtful discourse. Instead, the opposite has transpired. We cocoon ourselves in silos, endlessly scrolling and superficially consuming without discernment. This breeds a misguided entitlement to react instantly, feeding our FOMO.

Yet, how will we ever bridge these ideological divides if we isolate ourselves from disagreeable voices? My social media contacts espousing views I find objectionable are still human beings. Our shared humanity calls me to listen, not reactively unfriend them. I aim to model the empathy, wisdom, and nuance lacking in these debates. Constructive dialogue, even in the face of hostility, can foster understanding and bridge ideological gaps. That's what I believe.

The toxic impact of online hate on our mental health is all too real. Constant exposure to such venom can sow seeds of stress, anxiety and even depression in our hearts. We must listen when our inner self whispers that this virtual environment has become detrimental. Then, take action to shelter our spirit.

In such tumultuous times, a supportive online community is a refreshing oasis. Surround yourself with kindred souls who share your values and lift you up. Let their light help balance the shadowy negativity. Consider also limiting exposure to contentious spaces and curating feeds that nurture your soul.

The deeply personal choice to unfriend protects our inner peace. Before clicking that button, reflect carefully. Could engaging be more empowering than disconnecting? Conversations with depth can water hidden seeds of growth and widen perspectives.

We must find a balance between safeguarding our well-being and keeping channels open. Unfriending alone cannot sustain us. How might we responsibly navigate this complex virtual landscape with empathy and courage? The question is not how many to unfriend but how to cultivate connections that foster understanding while honoring our humanity.

This middle path is challenging yet vital. I wish to remain open-minded, not cloistered in an echo chamber. Anchored by friends who uplift me with care and moral courage, I can weather disheartening storms on social media. With compassion as my guide, my small light can make the darkness slightly less.

Abu Sufian is a communication professional. 

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and views of The Business Standard.