How discriminatory language towards women is normalised in families, workplaces

Illustration: TBS

Being a male-dominated society, many in Bangladesh see females as the 'weaker' gender. This extremely outmoded, discreditable perception has influenced language and behaviour in our society at various levels. Not just gender, this systemic flaw in language has created discriminatory attitudes towards race, sexual orientation, age or disability. 

Discrimination affects everyone, but women get the short end of the stick in Bangladesh. Now, as we are in the first quartile of the 21st century, using discriminatory language is not an option. Out of line words and comments against women confuse and hold us back from being an inclusive community. 

Men are often tagged as 'Purushmanush' or 'Chelemnaush' when their glorified achievements are portrayed in literature or books. But 'Mohilamanush' and 'Meyemanush' are used in a negative sense, to signify weakness, in stories and in real life.  

Bangladesh is going to graduate from LDC soon, and doors are going to open for women in our country to display their capabilities in the global arena. However, they still continue to face discriminatory remarks at home and at work. 

Joking about a woman's personal life, marital status, pregnancy, weight and skin tone is a universally accepted behaviour here. A myriad of women suffer from verbal discrimination, and since they often do not immediately respond to the comments, the boat of abuse continues to swim.

Such unnecessary banter starts at home. At birth, female toddlers are expected to be as fair as the moon, even though she was born in a South Asian country, near the tropics. Starting from a very young age, women in South Asia are exposed to commercials about how fairness is directly proportional to success, and these are further validated by older women in joint families. 

Bride selection for arranged marriages still largely depends on the colour of their skin, quality of the hair and ability to cook, which was and still is as disrespectful as choosing cattle for slaughter during Eid-Ul-Adha. The irony is, society tends to have a 'fairness' meter while being unfair to women in multiple accounts. 

There are global policies where 'equality' has been highlighted and Bangladesh has ratified them on multiple occasions. However, a resume containing a female name usually does not get equal importance as a man's. Almost always it is the male candidate who gets the job because of the underlying assumption that a man will not take 'maternity leave.' 

Bangladesh still remains one of the countries with the highest number of abuses, while having the status of the most gender-equal country in South Asia (Global Gender Gap Report 2022). In the first six months of 2022, Bangladesh had 476 reported cases of rape and 228 victims of domestic violence (ASK 2022). So, while claiming success for women breaking the barriers in gender inequality, what measures are being taken by this society to protect them from physical and verbal abuse?

Physical abuse has a proper reporting system, which in many cases is not being used by women for fear of grave repercussions. But women don't have any mechanisms to tolerate or speak up against verbal abuse. 

The use of discriminatory language is quite common and considered a matter of light-hearted fun in our country. It is rooted in insecurity and lack of confidence, due to years of suppression and unhealthy expressions. 

Women often do not consider themselves victims of verbal discrimination since there are no physically identifiable connections. Most such language and related violence are directed towards women as many people still consider them sex objects and baby machines, even in highly educated societies. But the main cause for this widespread phenomenon is the lack of repercussions, which indeed can have an impact on behavioural patterns. 

Women regularly face psychological distress due to being objectified in their own houses and at work, yet they are unable to find ways to stop the unwarranted harassment. They also find it unnecessary to address or respond to casually sexist comments. But tolerance of such incidents harms their mental well-being and confidence. 

Public shaming of female colleagues for their weight, marital status, or clothes, cannot be topics of discussion at work. Male colleagues rise up the ladder at work without facing such derogatory conversations or being objectified. In many cases, women also start rumours about other female colleagues, mostly out of pure jealousy or poor upbringing in their own families, which has been generationally accepted in most cases. 

Not speaking up against such discrimination has perpetuated the gradual depreciation of the work environment for women. In some cases, 'speaking up' has been seen and described as a career-killing step, and women often get penalized for speaking up for what is right. In extreme cases, women also get physically harassed both at work and home and then do not disclose the matter due to the unavailability of mechanisms to address such incidents. 

Now, how can women manage these situations at home and at work? 

At home, it is much more difficult to make people understand the trauma of verbal abuse, as our culture prohibits us from being sensitive towards our family members. Our bizarre way of caring is to show that we are concerned about a young woman's weight, marital status or the colour of her skin or clothes. 

It is difficult to change the mindset of people who have already crossed the prime of their life. But women can start creating a safe space in their home with like-minded relatives, and gradually increase the sphere of safe conversations in their own families. It is a slow process, but there is no better alternative than starting from home.

At work, company policies and procedures are not always enough to ensure the protection of women. Some companies even prevent hiring of women, because a female employee is considered a liability and distraction in many workspaces in Bangladesh. Even though almost every organisation has a 'zero tolerance' policy against discrimination, many do not follow or check the policies in place. 

So where is the gap? The gap is within everyone. As humans, we should increase our awareness and mindfulness to check if our comments are being positively received or if it hurts our colleagues. 

If someone's comments do not seem right, and it is apparently visible that our colleagues are traumatised or in pain, have a quick talk with your female colleague. If she seems upset, speak up gently to let the discriminator know that unwarranted comments are not welcome and are being noticed by everyone. 

Provide a safe space to your female colleagues, regardless of your gender and support them when they speak up. Take small steps every day, and your inclusive mindset and support will provide them with a safe space to thrive in their workspace. 

Raisa Adiba. Illustration: TBS

Raisa Adiba is a development worker who enjoys writing as a hobby, among many other things

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and views of The Business Standard.